A month or so ago I wrote a blog entry about how something wasn't sitting right in my life. Something drastic needed to change but I couldn't grasp what it was. Shortly after I decided what was wrong was the people that I had been surrounding myself with. Although they were good friends in that they were there when I needed them, they weren't bringing me up in any way, only dragging me down further. I was latching on to them because I have been lonely here in the state of Texas with out all of my loving friends back home.
There were a lot of really late nights of binge drinking, and a lot of regretful mornings. One night in particular got too crazy and it put me over the edge. Late December I decided to cut these people out of my life. Since then I have had a lot of guilty evenings, wondering if I made the right decision. I never really explained to anyone how I was feeling, or why I had dropped of the face of the planet.
Since I made this hard decision I have been feeling so much better about myself. I wake up in the mornings with energy. I have been taking care of my self and surrounding myself with positive people, and it has been great, but I still feel like a bad person for abandoning them.
Tonight I received a text from one of them saying that it was her birthday and that I should come to her art opening because it would mean a lot to her... I decided to go. Two of them welcomed me back with open arms, but one of them was not having it. She told me she just couldn't understand why I would drop off the face of the earth like that and not even call. I explained to her as best I could, but it just wasn't good enough. I left shortly after feeling bad, awkward, and confused. I told them that coffee was in order and that a party with loud music just wasn't the place to really explain myself.
Now I am wondering if I should have just stayed home. In some ways I wish I could just be around them every once in a while, but I just don't know if that is possible... I've never really had to cut someone out of my life before and it's really hard. Isn't there a saying out there "if you love them, let them go" ? Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. That would be nice right about now.
On a lighter note, I am going camping this weekend with some really great people and I plan on having a kick ass time! Oh how I love waking up outside and breakfast over the fire :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
That's a tough one. But you certainly did what was right for you at the time...and that was to distance yourself from the habits (and people) that were bringing you down. I think in time, they will understand and you will be able to find a way to spend time with them that does not include activities that put you in uncomfortable situations. It's never fun to know someone is upset with you...but it will all work out in the end.
ReplyDeletehave a great time camping this weekend!! love u! :)