I probably shouldn't be blogging right now. Instead I should have my nose to the book, but I need a break!!! Tuesday I take the Ohio Massage Therapy Exam. Why is this such a big deal since I am already a therapist? Because Ohio requires 750 hours of traing, and Texas only requires 500. Most of the 250 extra hours of training is in Anatomy, which I love, but it's been a tough job trying to learn all of this stuff on my own. I am just so grateful they are letting me sit for the exam without going back to school! Anyway, wish me luck everybody! I fly to Ohio on Sunday and then I'll be back in Texas on Wednesday. My sister is taking me to see TOOL for my birthday (hehe), then I am going to the beach to have a last hoorah with my Texas friends. Then to Rainbow, and finally on to Costa Rica with my bff Sara. ( p.s. I haven't figured out how you always make my name into a link?) I am going to be much rested before our move back to Ohio.
Lots of things are still pending in my life right now. To name a few... 1. The Ohio Massage Exam 2. Rainbow 3. My Sanity :) (This is always pending) 4. A New Car/Truck? 5. Whether or not I am going to rent a u-haul (leaning towards yes)
Things that are no longer pending. 1. Tim is on board (he always was...I guess I worry too much sometimes) 2. Paperwork is in the mail 3. Costa Rica with my besty Sara!
I'm feeling better! I still don't know what is going to happen with this move back to Ohio, but I am a believer that we create our own realities. I need to stay positive and open to the paths that are being opened before me. I Don't want to miss any Serendipitous moments ;)
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference
I turned in my letter of resignation at the spa today. I have so much anxiety lately and I have been trying to knock things off the list that are causing all of this stress, but something else keeps coming up. I'm teetering on the edge of insanity... On top of my psychotic worries about if Tim will be happy in Ohio, I quit my really great job today with pure faith that everything was going to work out with me taking the Ohio massage exam and passing it on June 15th. So, I arrive home from work this evening to check my email and find out that some of the paperwork for my application never made it to the Ohio State Medical Board. I knew there was a possibility that I wouldn't pass the test, but I never really thought that would happen. I especially never thought that I wouldn't even get to take the test! What am I going to do? I don't want to go back home and be more lost than I am now... I just feel like I am in a tail spin right now. What am I doing? I am trying so hard to get my life in order and it is total chaos. I want to be in Ohio... so why is everything and everyone fighting against me? Hopefully I can talk to the board tomorrow and get an extension on my paperwork, but it feels like all hope is lost.
I'm going home! I have been saying it for months, but time has flown by and I only have a month and a half left in Austin. Moving is scary... it was scary when I moved to Austin, and it is scary moving back to Ohio. I still don't know whether they have accepted my application to take the Massage Therapy exam in Ohio and it is getting down to about a month before the exam. What if I don't even get to take it? What if I don't pass it? I will have to go home and find a job doing something else... Am I moving backward? The difference between this move and the last one is that I am going home to a huge support system. I can't wait to go home, and on days when I feel like I have no one that gets me, I can call my Mom and say I'll be over in a couple of hours. I get to start thinking about putting down roots. I get to start saving money to build an Earthship out at our farm Rootdown. Before there was always a voice that said I needed to get out and explore, and live somewhere outside of Ohio. Now that I have done that I feel like I can go home and be content.
In the next couple months:
I am taking the Ohio Massage exam Quitting my Job at the end of June Traveling to Ohio with some things Going to the Rainbow Gathering Taking a trip to Costa Rica with my Best Friend Sara Coming back to Austin for one week Packing up to go home. Starting a new life in Columbus, Ohio.
Who knows what will happen... hopefully my heart is leading me in the right direction. Sometimes you have to take a leap even when you are unsure about what the future holds.
For a bowl of water give a goodly meal For a kindly greeting bow though down with zeal For a simple penny pay though back with gold If thy life be rescued, life do not withhold. Thus the words and actions of the wise regard; Every little service tenfold they reward. BUT THE TRULY NOBLE KNOW ALL MEN AS ONE, And return with gladness good for evil done.
-Gujarati
I come from a family without religion. I have spent my life surrounded by peers who base their beliefs on the teachings of different books, prophets, and traditions. I don't understand them. It all seems so trivial to me, because I know in my heart that no matter what religion or faith you are that we are all one. We will never agree, but at least we can try to RESPECT each other, and realize that the core of our belief systems all coincide. We can FORGIVE, tolerate, respect, and work together despite our differences or religious beliefs. This is freedom. No exceptions.
I love being healthy! People always say that if you can stick with it long enough you will get addicted, and I see what they mean. Since January I have been going to the gym a minimum of 3 days a week, and it has changed my life :)
1. My hormones are more balanced 2. My relationship is more fun! 3. I have so much more energy 4. I see life more clearly 5. I am happier 6. I am more conscious of my diet 7. I get more done 8. I feel more grounded at work
I thought I would share this with you, just in case you were thinking about starting that work out routine back up :) It's for the best!
I get out, I get out of all your boxes I get out, you can't hold me in these chains I'll get out Father free me from this bondage Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must change
Your stinkin' resolution Is no type of solution Preventin' me from freedom Maintainin' your polution I won't support your lie no more I won't even try no more If I have to die, oh Lord That's how I choose to live I won't be compromised no more I can't be victimised no more I just don't sympathize no more Cuz now I understand You just wanna use me You say "love" then abuse me You never thought you'd loose me But how quickly we forget That nothin' is for certain You thought I'd stay here hurtin' Your guilt trip's just not workin' Repressin' me to death Cuz now I'm choosin' life, yo I take the sacrifice, yo If everything must go, then go That's how I choose to live
That's how I choose to live... Hehehehe, awhh No more compromises I see past your diguises Blindin' through mind control Stealin' my eternal soul Appealin' through material To keep me as your slave
But I get out Oh, I get out of all your boxes I get out Oh, you can't hold me in these chains I'll get out Oh, I want out of social bondage Knowin' my condition Oh, is the reason I must change
See, what you see is what you get Oh, and you ain't seen nothin' yet Oh, I don't care if you're upset I could care less if you're upset See it don't change the truth And your hurt feeling's no excuse To keep me in this box Psychological locks Repressin' true expression Cementin' this repression Promotin' mass deception So that no one can be healed I don't respect your system I won't protect your system When you talk I don't listen Oh, let my Father's will be done
And just get out Oh, just get out of all this bondage Just get out Oh, you can't hold me in these chains Just get out All these traditions killin' freedom Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must change
I just accepted what you said Keepin' me among the dead The only way to know Is to walk then learn and grow But faith is not your speed Oh, you'd had everyone believe That you're the sole authority Just follow the majority Afraid to face reality The system is a joke Oh, you'd be smart to save your soul Oh, and escape this mind control You spent your life in sacrifice To a system for the dead Oh, are you sure... Where is the passion in this living Are you sure it's God you servin' Obligated to a system Getting less then you're deserving Who made up these schools, I say Who made up these rules, I say Animal conditioning Oh, just to keep us as a slave
Oh, just get out Of this social PURGATORY Just get out All these traditions are a lie Just get out Superstition killing freedom Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must die Just get out Just get out Just get out Let's get out Let's get out Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must die
I have Baked my first and second cake from Scratch!
Double Layer Dark Chocolate Cake with Raspberry's and Chocolate Chips on top! I got this recipe from my Best friend Sara's Mom, and tweaked it to fulfill my dark chocolate fetish!
This One is a Double Layer Cookie Cake with Cream Cheese Icing! It was for our friend Sanjay's (aka: Dragon) hence the cheesy drawing of a Dragon on the cake :)
Next Tim and I started building a bed frame for our bed! I love building things, and it is awesome to have a handy boyfriend to push me in the right direction.
Now we just have to stain it, and we plan to wood burn a tree into the front of it!
Big Kid Track and Field Day for Sanjay's Birthday!
We played Tug of War, Sack Races, Three Legged Races, Egg Toss...
and Wacky Costume Relay Races! This was such a great day!
Finally, our two wonderful friends Sanjay and Emily got engaged!
The best birthday present he could ask for!
Love to you all! Hope your days have been as much fun as mine!
I haven't been keeping up with my Book Reviews lately so you get two in one today!
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen is a novel about a boy whose perfect life completely falls apart right as he is about to graduate from the University to become a Veterinarian. In his state of sadness and confusion Jacob throws everything he has worked for away, and wanders out of his final exam. With nowhere to go and no family left Jacob finds himself a job on a circus train and falls in love with a with the wrong woman. The stories in this novel are based on true stories of corruption and injustice of the old circus days. The drama is inconceivable and engrossing. This book is a roller coaster of dangerous excitement! I love the mixing of fact and fiction, and definitely recommend it.
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is another historical fiction book. It is based on the story of Dinah in the biblical book of Genesis. The whole book is told from the perspective of Dinah and the days of the red tent and the celebration of each new moon, birth, death, midwifery, betrayal, and love. This book was so touching and beautiful. It made me feel grateful for our advances as woman, but also long for the days when a Woman's gift for childbearing was still seen as a miracle to everyone. Being a person that did not come from a religious background, I still enjoyed this book without knowing the history of Jacob and his sons betrayal to their sister. I really loved this book!
Hope y'all enjoy my book reviews! I am always looking for a new recommendation, so if you have one, please spill the beans!
Today I went for a run down at the greenbelt, which is a creek that flows through Austin. It is so beautiful this time of year when the water is rushing through. I had just been running some errands and had my gym gear on when I passed the entrance and decided to go for a run outside instead. I have never felt Mother Natures power more than I did today. My mind has been filled with big questions these days about which direction I need to go in life, and mother nature reminded me today where my heart truly lies.
My head was so clear as I was jogging over rocks along the creek bed and soaking in natures beauty. She reminded me that whatever decisions I make in the next few years, they are all leading to her. I belong in nature, and I can feel it with every little part of my being. I can't wait to make the next big steps in life toward building my sustainable homestead and living off the land... there is nothing I want more in life.
I now own abocce ballset! We played a round with a good group of friends Saturday morning at Zilker park here in Austin. So much fun!
This morning I started a bunch of seedlings. I think we are past our final frost here in Austin, so it is time to start planting! I am trying to do herbs again this summer. I planted some chives, lavender, rosemary, cilantro, basil, and dill. My Echinacea plant from last summer is starting to sprout up already! The wind is blowing and we are getting ready for a rain storm tonight so I already had to throw a tarp over the seeds, but my wind chime collection sounds beautiful. Tim has picked all of my wind chimes and bird feeders up from old apartments that he is refurbishing. They are all quirky but that's why I like them so much! My favorite is the one with the ducks. hehe.
Tim and I took a nice walk down to the local video shop, Vulcan Video today. Now we are getting ready to plop down on the couch and ride the rest of this Sunday out!
Hope this brought good thoughts of spring to everyone! Don't worry northern folks! It's right around the corner!
Hey! This is a new song I wrote yesterday. I really like it, and I wanted to share it with you. My camera wouldn't film the entire song, but it will give you the idea. Hope you like it!
Double Trouble
Long years have I spent lovin you When we met it was right then that I knew But as the years roll on by How I sit and wonder why How much longer till the day I say I do
Chorus: It's been a long and winding road One with laughter and with struggles Well we've had our high and lows But there's one thing that I know That my trouble would be double without you
When I was lost you stood by my side When I was found you loved me satisfied But when it comes to settlin down You won't seem to come around What on god's green earth am I to do
Chorus
If I had a nickel or a dime For every time you told me that old line Well I'd be rich with all the things That don't mean much to me When all I really need, is you
This past week was absolutely crazy. After Last weekends campout I started the week off a bit tired... We have been super busy at the spa lately and on top of that Valentines Day was huge for us. My books have been 100% filled since Monday of last week. I know I shouldn't complain about having tons of clients, but man... I am officially spent.
Thursday I gave my first pregnancy massage ever. Which went okay... I was too worried about myself doing a good job, instead of focusing on my client. I didn't realize that until it was over though. Better luck next time on that. Saturday I taught my first class at the spa. I taught an hour class on how to massage your partner to a lovely couple. I was so nervous, but it turned out awesome! I can't wait for the next one. SundayI did chair massage at the Austin Marathon, and it was my first chair massage event. My friend Ram Rattan and I busted out 3 1/2 hours straight of massage to live Salsa music, on sweaty runners with no breaks! We had a blast!
Sunday Evening was great though, my honey made me Salmon and Lobster Tail for Valentines day Dinner. With a bottle of wine outside on the patio :) What a sweetie .
Hopefully I can make it to Friday without falling over and not getting back up :)
1. Arrive at your friends ranch and set up camp.
2. crack open a beer.
3. start a fire.
4. Chat with your beautiful friends and friends to be all night.
Saturday Morning
1. Wake up late.
2. Breakfast and Coffee.
3. A game of disc golf or botchie perhaps?
Saturday Afternoon
1. Break out the Corona's, because of course it is Sunny and beautiful out!
2. Eat a fabulous picnic lunch.
3. 30+ against 29- Tug of war. (29- wins... by the way!)
4. Play the most fun game of kickball ever, and make a great catch!
5. Birthday Cookie Cake!
6. Take a ride around the property on the John Deer Gator:)
Saturday Evening
1. Grill out!
2. Build a fire.
3. Break out the Whiskey!
4. Dance Party!
5. Arm Wrestling ( Hilarious!)
6. Sleepy Time.
Sunday Morning
1. Cinnamon Rolls and coffee
2. Pack your things and head home, having made some great new friends:)
3. Oh, and don't forget to stop and have lunch at a random location on your way home with your honey!
*This is definitely what the doctor ordered. If you haven't had a blast in a while, put it on the top of your list :)
The only thing I regret is not stopping to get batteries for my camera on the way there... but there may be pictures coming to me soon :)
A month or so ago I wrote a blog entry about how something wasn't sitting right in my life. Something drastic needed to change but I couldn't grasp what it was. Shortly after I decided what was wrong was the people that I had been surrounding myself with. Although they were good friends in that they were there when I needed them, they weren't bringing me up in any way, only dragging me down further. I was latching on to them because I have been lonely here in the state of Texas with out all of my loving friends back home.
There were a lot of really late nights of binge drinking, and a lot of regretful mornings. One night in particular got too crazy and it put me over the edge. Late December I decided to cut these people out of my life. Since then I have had a lot of guilty evenings, wondering if I made the right decision. I never really explained to anyone how I was feeling, or why I had dropped of the face of the planet.
Since I made this hard decision I have been feeling so much better about myself. I wake up in the mornings with energy. I have been taking care of my self and surrounding myself with positive people, and it has been great, but I still feel like a bad person for abandoning them.
Tonight I received a text from one of them saying that it was her birthday and that I should come to her art opening because it would mean a lot to her... I decided to go. Two of them welcomed me back with open arms, but one of them was not having it. She told me she just couldn't understand why I would drop off the face of the earth like that and not even call. I explained to her as best I could, but it just wasn't good enough. I left shortly after feeling bad, awkward, and confused. I told them that coffee was in order and that a party with loud music just wasn't the place to really explain myself.
Now I am wondering if I should have just stayed home. In some ways I wish I could just be around them every once in a while, but I just don't know if that is possible... I've never really had to cut someone out of my life before and it's really hard. Isn't there a saying out there "if you love them, let them go" ? Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. That would be nice right about now.
On a lighter note, I am going camping this weekend with some really great people and I plan on having a kick ass time! Oh how I love waking up outside and breakfast over the fire :)
I had a random thought this morning. Life is always seeming to fly by so quickly, I am always wondering "where has the month gone?"... Sometimes I wonder if I'll have enough time to get everything done. The catch is, I haven't been doing much in the past year besides sitting around thinking about changing my life and experiencing things.
Now that the new year has come, and I have been exercising and taking initiative on my goals, time has slowed down a lot!!
There is time for everything... but we have to do it! Be in the present and experience each second of our lives:)
I know that it is January 12th already. Some may say it is a little late for New Years Resolutions. Others may say that New Years resolutions are silly, and some may say that they are a joke! Well I say hooray for New Years resolutions! Hooray for anytime a person can feel like they can start over, grow, or change for the better. That is what 2010 is all about for me.
I have decided to make a list of 10 things that I must do in 2010. I started with a list of 5 and then realized that 10 in 10 was a way cooler idea, thanks to my friend Katie :) So hear it is:
1. Write atleast 7 new bluegrass tunes. In order to create a complete album. (One down Six to go!) 2. Take better Care of my Body. Including: exercise, yoga, weight loss, eating better, and less abusive substances. (Already on top of it! I am on my second week at the gym, and just finished a yoga class today:)
3. Explore Texas. I need to stop grumbling about being so far from home and start exploring more. (exploring is my passion)
4.Leave the country (I plan on doing that with my besty some time in August I think... which leads me to number 5...)
5. Save more money ( I need to stop spending my money at the store right next to my work... you wouldn't believe how much $$ I waste there... it's packing dinner from now on)
6. Try something new quarterly (I am the kind of girl that gets the same thing at the same restaurant time and time again. It's time to brach out... a little:)
7. practice patience... which also goes along with number 8
8. No more creating lists of things I desperatley want in my head. I need to learn to set goals, but be content with what I have at the same time. "tomorrow will never come, all we have is today."
9. Concentrate on me, and my own ambitions. ( Sometimes I forget that I am one person and not two) Don't get me wrong... I love my man, but I think this will be beneficial for both of us. I let my self blame my partner too often for things that are in my control and not his. Love love him :)
10. Find something creative/crafty/artsy that I enjoy making. (I'm thinking of trying Mosaic Art, we'll see :)
